winning the battle...(?)

Or at least I feel like it at the moment. Had kind of a breakthrough at marriage counselling, I felt cornered at first but by the end of the session, I felt so relieved. I had to admit what I wanted, what I *really* wanted for our relationship. I waver on this so often that its hard to know from one moment to the next what I want but now...NOW... I have commited that I want to make this work, that I want to be happily married again to my husband. I know that it may not work, hence the true cause(I believe) for my wavering. Strangely enough, its a lot like ttc. After so long, you become numb to failed cycles, you don't plan on it ever being "your month", its a defense mechanism. I've used it my entire life, to protect myself from rejection, pain, possible failure. But sometimes you have to take the plunge, jump...Maybe you'll sink, maybe not.


I've got many more things to blog about but those will have to wait till next time. for now, lifes truely ok. :)